Keep Your Head Held High

When all you know how to do is start over and drag yourself down. It just takes you in this complete vicous cycle. When do you start to make changes from these mistakes and learn and grow even more. I was doing so great with all the changes. Then some things happened I got knocked down again. Now I sit here thinking of all the pros and cons of the choices I have made to get me to this place I am at. My kids love this new place, these new people, and all the new experiences. I however feel the wicked pull of depression and the demons that wait amongst it all. I have always been so good at hiding it, and just smiling through the day. However I am feeling right now, I need to keep pushing and making some amazing new choices. One day and one step at a time is what I keep telling myself. I am greatful, thankful, and hopeful for something good. I started seeing a doctor again. She got me on a mood stabalizer, and it seems to be doing a number on my emotions. I have my daily inhaler, emergency inhaler, something for the acid reflux, and something for the migraines. That's just a start. We did an MRI with contrast on my brain last week. Turns out there are more spots on my brain than just the one. At first I was afraid, I still am. I'm scared of what all this could mean. After a phone call with my mom she assured me her feelings on this are good. This is just one more bump. That everything will be fine. I am okay with that. I have to have some good spirit about it all. With all the news I decided we needed to do some hiking. So the kids and I packed up for the day and went to Pictograph caves in Billings. We had a fun little hike. It helps when you need to clear your head. It was chilly and sprinkling so we had our lunch in the car, and that's okay. We have to take these moments as we get them.

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